Words that come effortlessly and braids and petals in my hair and perfect auric light and friends who are strange but so beautiful and closeness with my mom and zero longing and a thrown-together but always put-together look and a clean house and travels and the angle of cheekbones and someone who fumbles and reaches for me in his sleep and reckless abandon and a full but not heavy heart and Kenneth’s self-appreciation and growth and comfort learning and love.
Don’t drift to the one who could fill all the rooms in your body with light, who,
next to you, woke up
on an October morning with four fingers under your ribcage: “It feels like I’m holding your heart in my hand”
(you are, you do)
Store each word, heavy and hidden in your veins.
Know yourself every day:
Your hard edges, your dreams.
“We come in a set, in a pair, in a unit.”
I met Kiira at Tryst yesterday for tea and a very strong spiked cider and photos. We paid our bill just in time to catch that magic half-hour of light that makes everything look safe and beautiful. After we hugged goodbye, she asked, “Can we be actual friends? Like, real, actual friends?”
Dixit is like Apples to Apples, but with pictures. I got lost on the drive home last night around midnight. I so badly wanted to fall asleep when I finally made it home but couldn’t. There was something I needed but didn’t want to admit to myself. Instead, I opened the window above my bed, let the cold air fill my apartment, and sweated under my comforter until the sky turned a light gray and Lightening Crashes indicated 6:30AM.
I want the summer and all the things it holds.
I bought the 35mm after two months of reading reviews and emotionally preparing myself to spend almost $1400 in one swipe. It is the most beautiful thing I own, currently. But mostly, I like that I carefully saved up for it, how I could afford it, and the potential I purchased with it. Glowing.
"What the fuck am I doing with my life?"
"Friends. Drink. Music. Repeat."
I need to wash my sheets.